Chapter 40

Frederick John Ward TURNER

1914 - 2012   

3^rd July 2012

Crossley Hall Residential Home

Although I have given his full name in the title of this chapter, my Pop was known as Jack more or less from birth.  There is already a book in existence that covers his life up until the year 2001 when my stepmother died and therefore I will just cover the last 12 years of his life in the main part of this chapter and copy the text of his eulogy, which gives a brief history of his life, at the end.  The photograph heading this chapter, although not a good one, is relevant because it probably the last one taken of Pop and it was on the occasion of his 98^th birthday.

After Doreen died, he thought that his life was meaningless and confessed that he always thought that he would leave this world within a very short time, however that was not to be.  He was not willing to just let go and continued to live his life with the help of some very good friends.  Brenda THACKER visited regularly and took him out and about with lunch being taken at Asa Nicholson’s, one of his favourite haunts.  Jenny BUTTERFIELD would invite him back to her house for lunch after church on Sundays and through her he got to know her neighbours, Frank & Maureen LENNARD.  Jenny subsequently introduced him to the Tuesday Fellowship at the Methodist Chapel in Thornton where there were Speakers, Musical Events, Concerts and, of course, a cup of tea and a chat.  All of these things helped to keep him going.

2005

A study in concentration

In addition, he continued to play Bowls for the Thornton Veterans in the Summer Leagues up to the age of 92.  In the winter the Bowling Club members would meet up in their clubhouse to  play Dominos at which he was, as usual, very competitive.

One of his loves that was to suffer during these final years was his painting.  He did paint a couple Cornish scenes for us but he confessed that his heart was not in it and no-one was able to convince him to start again.

He continued for some considerable time to potter in the garden and some sense of order was  maintained with the heavy work being carried out by Paul DAWSON.  Brenda would take him out for trips to the local Garden Centres so that he could buy whatever took his fancy for the garden and, possibly more importantly to him, the family grave. 

Wedding Day

Emma & Paul TURNER

I ought at this point to mention his Grandson Paul and his family.  Paul married Sally Jane KNOWLES on 4^th Oct 1997 and they had two children, Holly Olivia, born 4^th April 2001 and Jack Benjamin on 14^th January 2003.  Not too long after that, however, the marriage broke down resulting in divorce in July 2003.  Paul subsequently married Emma SISSLING on 13^th August 2004.  Emma gave birth to Barnaby on 22^nd May 2006.  I have included the photograph taken at their wedding because they became an integral part of Pop’s life. 

Pop relied on Paul & Emma to help him out with general day to day things but they were both extremely busy working and I believe that his constant phone calls put a strain not only on their relationship but particularly on the relationship between himself and Paul.  In the end, they would hardly speak to one another, which was a very sad situation.  He lent them some money to help with house improvements, but then seemed to think that they didn’t want to pay him back.  This was not true, but nevertheless it caused considerable friction.  Pop could be a very stubborn man I’m afraid and would not change his position until they paid the money back in full.

During these years, Maria and I would visit up to six times a year and try to convince him that he should move to a smaller property and possibly move to Cornwall.  We offered to sell our house in Newquay and buy something more sensible with an attached flat but pointed out that we couldn’t afford to do this without some money coming from the sale of Oakroyd.  He resisted all of our attempts to persuade him to move saying that Oakroyd was the ‘Family Home’ and that was where he wanted to stay.  He did think that his Grandson Paul should buy the house but that was never a viable proposition.  He also thought that families should stick together and look after their own.  This was an attempt I believe to get Maria and I to sell up in Cornwall and move into Oakroyd to look after him.  I am afraid to say that I resisted all attempts to get me to move from Cornwall.  I worked up until the age of 66½ because I needed to pay our mortgage and after that, bearing in mind his refusal to move to Cornwall, we sold our house in Newquay and moved into Roseveare House, which we loved and were not about to move from.

In addition to our visits, I would call him on the telephone regularly but conversation was not always easy as he was becoming a little deaf and we, as a pair, had never been great at ‘chatting’.  I particularly find talking about inconsequential things very difficult.  Actually he talked far more to Maria than me as she seemed to understand him far better.

Over the years some changes were made which helped a little on the financial side.  I persuaded him to have a Water Meter fitted which meant that his Water Bill was reduced by well over 50%.  Later on he had Gas Central Heating fitted to replace the outdated Storage Heaters.  Perhaps this saved some money but he did not live in the house long enough to get the full benefit and I wasn’t terribly impressed by the workmanship.  This job also led to a problem for Paul & Emma.  They had things stored in the attic and the plumber spotted a box belonging to Emma and persuaded Pop to sell it to him for £100.  When Emma found out that it had gone, she desperately tried to get it back but without success.  Apart from its intrinsic value, which was much higher that £100, it had other value in terms of memories for her.

One thing that he did do to help himself was to buy an electric buggy which was a tremendous help as it became more and more difficult for him to walk any distance.

During one of our telephone calls he told me that, whilst putting out the ‘wheelie’ bin ready for collection, he had tried to reach inside to retrieve something and found himself upside down inside it.  I couldn’t help smiling on the end of the phone as I imagined the scene.  Subsequently, I believe that a neighbour would help with the bins.

2008 - Roseveare House Field

In 2008, Paul & Emma came on a holiday to Cornwall and brought Pop  with them.  Whilst they had made their own arrangements for accommodation, it had been agreed that he would stay with us.  I believe that he had a decent holiday but still told us that he didn’t like Cornwall much.  I wonder if this because he had many friends in and around Bradford and none, apart from us  and Annette, in Cornwall.

Although he had help looking after the house from Paul & Emma and friends and neighbours, Brenda, who was originally engaged as a cleaning lady became, over the years, a companion and he wouldn’t let her do any real cleaning.  As a consequence, the house became a little scruffy.  Maria and I would have a go at cleaning, particularly the kitchen but our visits were intermittent and so there was no real structure or consistency.  On one of our visits in 2009 I found, in the local Post Office, an advertisement for cleaning work required.  I rang the number and arranged to see two young women, who both lived in the village.  I explained the situation and we agreed on a plan and a number of hours.  They started whilst I was staying and did a great job on the kitchen so I was hopeful that I had solved the problem of keeping the place clean and tidy.  Unfortunately, they didn’t last very long and I found out that they had both moved on for whatever reason and passed on the job to another lady.  I believe that she did a decent job, but once again, Pop really wanted to have someone to talk to rather than to clean.

I suppose that it could be said that, for Pop, life meandered along.  He was no longer able to play Bowls although he had friends in the Club who would collect him and take him up there for social gatherings.  He had lost one of his really good friends when Jenny BUTTERFIELD died in 2005 and he became increasingly lonely.

Although his health was good in many ways, he did suffer from the occasional infection that caused him to become confused, resulting in hospitalisation.  He also struggled with hips and knees resulting in the need to have a hip replaced in 2009.

The procedure for the replacement of Pop’s hip was carried at the BRI using an epidural anaesthetic and was very successful.  He was sent to recover in Westbourne Green Community Hospital.  Maria and I travelled up to Yorkshire to visit and to try and work out what was best for him.  My opinion, and that of Paul & Emma, was that he was not fit enough to look after himself.  I should say that before travelling to Bradford I had made enquiries at a Care Home in Bodmin about the possibility of him being cared for.  I was told that, from the details that I was able to give, and subject to some further checks, he was a suitable candidate for Residential rather than Nursing Care.  With this in mind I made some enquiries around Thornton.  I checked with some sheltered housing in Thornton.  Pop knew this well because it was part of the Methodist organisation.  This would have been ideal for him because he would have had his own flat but have access to as much help as he needed.  Unfortunately there was nothing available.  On my way out of Bradford one day, I spotted Crossley House Residential Care Home on Thornton Road and on a whim, went in and asked whether or not they had space for him and whether they could care for him.  They had the room and they sent someone to Westbourne Green to carry out an assessment.  Having done that, the manager said that he was suitable for residential care and they would, if I agreed, take him straight from the hospital when he was ready for discharge.  He was persuaded to become a temporary resident pending his full recovery and so moved in before Christmas.  This was a huge relief for me because I knew that he would be well cared for, warm and fed.  He was however not enthusiastic in the long term and after we had returned to Cornwall I spoke to him on the telephone and he had decided that he could go home to Oakroyd if he had a live-in carer.  His cleaner had led him to believe that she was available to do this however I was extremely worried by this.  I knew his cleaner and also knew that, not only did she have a husband / partner at home but also a daughter and grandchild living with her.  She also claimed to be suffering from cancer and said that she was in and out of hospital regularly.  Now how she was supposed to be a full time live-in carer, I have no idea.  I did go and see her because she still had a key to Oakroyd; this I retrieved.  When Pop found out he was very upset saying that I had no right to do this.  I pointed out the problems but he was, as usual, quite stubborn.  I became stubborn at this point and he was not in a position to do anything about my decision.  In the end, Pop, out of the blue, suddenly told me that he thought that Crossley House was the best place for him to be on a permanent basis.  Maria and I went out and bought him, with his money, a new 32 inch television and a Music Centre so that he could be self sufficient as far as entertainment was concerned.

I conferred with Paul & Emma and we came up with a plan that involved selling Oakroyd so that his Care Home fees could be paid.  He had enough cash to pay for about nine months fees so we had that time to sell the house.  Virtually all of the work involved in selling the house was done by Emma.  She was familiar with Bradford Estate Agents and knew the best one for the job of selling this particular house, which was a fairly unique property.  In the end, the house went on the market in February 2010 and the sale was completed in June.

With the money in the Bank and sorted into different accounts, I arranged with Nick to produce a collection of spreadsheets which allowed us to forecast income and expenditure.  We decided that he could be looked after until he reached the aged of 111!

Now came the problem of emptying the house.  After 57 years, there was a considerable amount of junk in addition to some things that were useful.  We, the family, decided, with a little help from him, what he might need in the Home and furnished his room accordingly with everything that he needed, always given the space available.  Anything that was left was offered to various members of the family.  Mostly just small mementos were taken.  Paul took his electric buggy and gave it to someone he knew that was in need of one.  He also took a Music Centre, which he installed in his garage.  All of his Golf Clubs I took to Headley Golf Club; they said that they would always be useful for beginners so were very grateful.

I rang the Catholic Housing Society in Bradford offering any of the furniture that they wanted but was disappointed to find that most of it was no use.  I could understand the problems of fire resistant materials on chairs and settees, but I got really annoyed that they wouldn’t take some of the furniture because “no-one wants mahogany” these days.  As far as I was concerned, if an empty house or flat was being furnished for the homeless then the colour of furniture was of no consequence.

Because it is of no particular relevance to Pop’s story, I won’t go any further than that but just say a big thanks to not only Paul and Emma, but to our son Nick and Maria’s brother Terry for all their hard work in getting rid of carloads of unwanted goods.  The final part of this story involved a local house clearance firm who took all of the heavy stuff.

I wouldn’t say that Pop was happy in his new surroundings but he accepted that it was a sensible place to be and settled in.  He didn’t appear to make many friends but he did get along well with a chap called Tommy.  At one time he used to get along with another man whose name I cannot remember; they used to play chess together I believe.

When he moved into Crossley House, he was made to change his doctor and the doctor’s surgery that looked after him reviewed his medicine and decided that he no longer needed his monthly injections as treatment for pernicious anaemia.  He had been receiving these injections since 1956 when his condition was diagnosed and he became obsessive about them or, in his case, the lack of them.  There was considerable discussion between Emma, the Home, the Doctor and me eventually resulting in the injections being reinstated but on a three monthly, rather than monthly, basis.  Pop’s argument had always been that he felt tired; how much of this ‘tiredness’ was as a result of age is difficult to assess but he was convinced that the lack of injections was the real reason.  We were all in no doubt about what he thought!!!

In 2011, Pop realised that he was having a problem with his left eye.  He already had restricted vision in his right eye so it became difficult for him to watch television and recognise people.  When I became aware of this, I rang the Yorkshire Eye Clinic on Harrogate Road to get some information.  Emma volunteered to take him to be assessed and subsequently to have a cataract removed.  Apparently, she told me, when he came out he could see car number plates easily so the improvement was immediate and very good indeed.  This was a self funded operation but I believe that it was really good value for him.  Some of the cost, I was able to claim back from his medical insurance.

During his time at Crossley House he was treated very well by the staff and he also had a number of regular visitors.  Brenda used to visit on a Wednesday and in the early days would take him out for lunch.  Elizabeth BUFFHAM, from the Sacred Heart Church was a regular visitor as was Elizabeth DAWSON and to these people I am very grateful, as was he, for their time and care.  Whenever we visited from Cornwall we used to take him out for lunch with his favourite place probably being the Hare & Hounds at Heaton.

In December 2011, Nick & Karen arranged to collect Pop and take him to Sleaford for Christmas.  He stayed with Karen’s Mum, Eileen MULROONEY.  In addition to Eileen, Karen, Nick and family, Annette was living in Sleaford at this time because she and Clive had separated and sold their house.  It was therefore a fairly large Christmas party collected together and I believe that he had a really good time.  I know that Nick and Karen wanted to do something similar the following Easter but by then he was not fit enough so this was the last time he was out of the Home for any length of time.

It should be said that Emma had most involvement in his care.  She needed to take him to hospital appointments as well as other day to day things like ensuring his name was on all of his clothes and other personal possessions.

For his 98^th birthday the Home organised a little tea party with a cake and took some photographs, one of which heads this chapter.  Regrettably, the photos are not of the highest quality.

Over the period of time that he spent in Crossley House, he had a number of falls but nothing too serious.  His problem was that he still tried to be independent and refused to ring the bell when he wanted to go to the toilet, or anywhere else.  Although he had a three-wheeled walking aid, he sometimes had trouble getting it into the correct place causing him to lose balance.  I suppose that it was no real surprise therefore when, shortly after his birthday, he had a fall resulting in a broken femur.  As a result, he was taken into the BRI where they eventually got him fit enough to operate and mend the leg.  We were warned that he might not survive the anaesthetic.  Emma and I agreed that if he didn’t have the operation, the pain would probably result in his death anyway.  As it happened, he came through OK, surprising almost everyone.  On the downside, he was never quite the same in himself and it became quite difficult to hold a conversation with him.  Because there was nothing else that could be done for him in the medical sense, the hospital was keen to release him.  There was a meeting between hospital, social services and the family to decide what care was required and how much would be paid for.  The result of that was that most of his care would be paid for by himself.

Because of his deteriorating condition, Crossley House was no longer able to look after him so we looked around for an alternative.  Emma, Maria and I looked for some options close to Haworth, where Emma lived and looked at three Homes.  The first was a huge place and the closest to Haworth but none of us thought much of it.  It seemed so big that it appeared impersonal.  The second place was in Heaton and we really liked the Home and the Manager; in fact we nearly didn’t go any further, however we had one other place to visit so off we went to Cottingley Hall, which was a B.U.P.A. home and the most expensive.  Without a doubt we all considered that this was the best place for Pop.  If he had been fitter, there were lovely grounds to use and the whole place was just about perfect.  We were told that there was only one room and that was not available for a few days.  We decided that this was the place, dependent upon the usual assessment by the Home.

Having made the decision, we emptied Crossley House and paid the final bill.  They had been very good to him and were sad that they were not in a position to continue his care.

Before he moved in to Cottingley Hall Maria and I had gone back to Cornwall so all the rest of the arrangements were made by Emma who actually went with him when he moved in.  Sadly he was only to stay there for nine days before he passed away on 18^th August 2012 shortly after eating his lunch.

Emma rang me to tell me and during that conversation we decided that there was no point in me rushing back up to Bradford.  I contacted Pop’s solicitor and started proceedings for the execution of his Will and arranged for Emma to obtain Death Certificates and make contact with George Lever the Funeral Director, although I did speak to George first.  Pop’s wish was to have his funeral service at the Sacred Heart Church, followed by Cremation at Scholemoor Crematorium.  By this time Sacred Heart Church had been closed and the option was the Parent Church of St. William.  We decided that, since we could not fulfil his wish to have a service at the Sacred Heart, we would not use St. William’s since he was not known there.  Instead we decided to have the whole service at the Crematorium and with George Lever’s help, we found a Priest from Allerton who was only too happy to take the service.  I asked George about music and he said that he had contact with an organist who would play whatever we liked.  This turned out to be David KENNEDY, who is Maria’s first cousin.  I spoke to him and arranged with him to play two hymns and a final piece of music.

We also had the problem of arranging some sort of reception.  Emma solved this problem by approaching Crossley Hall; they graciously gave us permission to use one of their public rooms and provide us with tea and coffee.  Emma undertook to make all the sandwiches and did a tremendous job.  She also bought some cakes and wine.

On the day, the service and reception afterwards all went to plan except that the order of Service leaflets that I had produced had the wrong date of death on it.  Our elder son, Andrew, gleefully pointed that fact out although it was first noticed by his in-laws, Gill and John LAZARUS.  The little chapel was virtually full and we were very grateful to all of those who attended, some of whom had travelled from as far away as Warrington and Whitby.  In addition to the family and friends, Crossley Hall was represented and there were a good number of Pop’s bowling pals as well as representatives from Lucas Aerospace where he had worked for many years.

The story continued on the morning after the funeral service, Emma, Sarah, my niece, Maria and myself gathered at the cemetery with George LEVER who said a few prayers after which the casket with Pop’s ashes was placed in the family grave and we all said our individual goodbyes.

I suppose that there were two final acts to complete the story.  Firstly there was the Will.  Fortunately, there was no house to sell, making the Will much easier to sort out.  As I had held Power of Attorney for some years, I had controlled all of Pop’s finances since he went into Crossley Hall and knew exactly where all his money was and was able to get the information to the Solicitor very quickly.  I did most of the correspondence informing everyone of his passing, dealing with Insurance, Pensions etc.  Everything involving money was dealt with very promptly and an initial payment was made to all the beneficiaries in October 2012 with the final payments being made in February 2013.

The final act was made by Emma who decided that she would pay for the family grave to be tidied up.  I think that everyone will agree that she has made a splendid job as shown in the final photograph.

18^th August 2013

Thornton Cemetery  -  Plot K31

TURNER Family Grave

Eulogy:

Frederick John Ward TURNER, always known as Jack, was born on 3^rd July 1914 in Whitstable, Kent.  He had a very happy childhood in Kent, sharing it with his sister Betty who was two years his junior.

In 1926 the family was reunited in Egypt where his Dad, Fred, was serving as a Staff Sergeant in the Army.  From his book, he seems to have really enjoyed the life there but all things come to an end.

In 1930 he came home to join the RAF as an Aircraft Apprentice in the 21^st Entry at RAF Halton as a Metal Rigger.  This was an interesting period for someone who describes himself as a “15½ year old, 5 feet, 5½ stone weakling”.  As became his norm in life, he coped. 

He served a total of 15 years in the RAF, including an 18-month tour on board HMS Courageous during the mid 1930s.

In 1936 he met Betty Marian SMITH and in 1939 they married.  I was born in 1941 and my brother Michael in 1949.

During the war he moved around to various RAF Stations including a tour that took in Gambia and Sierra Leone.  He was posted home from West Africa to take a commission in 1944.

When the war ended, confusion reigned over what would happen to him, and many other servicemen, so he decided to make a new life for himself and his family.  This decision brought him to Yorkshire, where we settled in Upper Wortley in Leeds in 1946 and where we stayed until February 1953.  After a brief spell working for A V Roe, he joined English Electric at Thornbury, which eventually became Lucas Aerospace; he retired from there as Production Manager in 1979.  I believe that this site now houses a DIY Store.

In 1953 we moved into ‘Oakroyd’ in Thornton where he lived until 2010, when after a hip replacement at the age of 95, he moved into Residential Care and ‘Oakroyd’ was sold.  This was a dream home for both my parents with an acre of land and a stream running through the bottom; this stream separated the garden from Headley Golf Course.  What a splendid home and playground for my brother and me.

In 1962, my Mum became ill, but her illness was never properly diagnosed and on July 2^nd 1963 she died in BRI; this was the day before their 25^th Wedding Anniversary.  Pop was shattered but somehow managed to carry on with help from neighbours, friends and his sister Betty who had lived in Leeds since 1946.  This was a particularly difficult time for Pop and my brother Michael who was only just 14.  By this time I had already been serving in the RAF since 1958.

Fortunately for him a friend at work introduced him to Doreen FARRELL, a widow, who worked at English Electric; there was an instant connection between them resulting in their marriage in 1964.  I imagine that there were people who thought that the timescale between the death of my Mum and his marriage to Doreen was too short; all that I can say is that it was absolutely the right thing for him.  This extraordinarily happy marriage was to last until Doreen’s death on 1^st January 2001.

Once again Pop was devastated, but gradually picked himself up and, helped by many people, including the Thornton Methodist community, joined in with some village activities, particularly the Thornton Veterans Bowling Club.  This activity explains the photograph on the front of the Order of Service, which was taken in 2005 when he was 91.  Some of you here may well remember him for his bowling, which was just as competitive as everything he did in life.

He enjoyed all sports; he played football, tennis and cricket and had trials for Yorkshire at hockey.  With regard to cricket, I was probably a great disappointment to him because he spent hours and hours teaching me how to bowl properly and, although I do enjoy the game I never played seriously.  Although he had started playing Golf when we moved to Thornton, he took it very seriously when he retired, reducing his handicap to 16 whilst playing at, and for, Headley Golf Club into his 80s.  Competitive as ever, he never ever let me forget that he and a friend of his beat me and a friend of mine in a ‘friendly’ match at Filey.  We thought that we were about to get the match back to all square on the 17th because he was quite awkwardly bunkered beside the green.  He, however, thinned the ball out of the bunker and the ball, travelling at about 100 mph whizzed across the green at the height of about 4 feet, wrapped itself up in the flag and dropped down 6” from the hole.  At this stage I waved the flag, the white one that is.

In conclusion, Pop was a hard working, loyal, competitive, sometimes stubborn, honest family man who enjoyed a long life with many more ups than downs and he will be missed by many people for many different reasons. 

In addition to me, he leaves 5 grandchildren and 8 great grandchildren so the TURNER family name will survive for some time yet.

Once again, thank you all for coming; please don’t be too sad, this should be a celebration of a long, happy and successful life.